Planning Tools, Ideas, & Advice
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For Wedding Pros
Having a micro wedding offers so many benefits, but often, one thing keeps couples from actually moving forward with an intimate celebration—the guest list. It can feel gut-wrenching to make decisions about who not to invite, not to mention the drama that can come along with it, so we’ve created this simple step-by-step process to help make the yes/no a lot clearer.
When my husband and I were planning our wedding, we initially thought we’d have a large one, but once we assessed the cost, we quickly realized a smaller one would be a better fit for our vision. These are the steps we took to narrow down our guest list from over 150 guests to 50.
If you’re just popping into the microWED site for the first time, be sure to check out some of the other blogs to help you in the early stages of planning:
We recommend creating your guest list as one of the foundational elements to planning your micro wedding. It’s easy to put this task off, especially when you’re consumed with dreaming about how your special day will come together, not to mention the stress that can come along with it. But I assure you that getting this out of the way early will set you up for planning success and also help prevent the uncomfortable situation of having to go back to someone you thought you’d invite and tell them they aren’t.
Having an adults-only party is one of the quickest ways to reduce the number of people on your guest list. There are added benefits to this as well: many parents will enjoy the opportunity to socialize with friends and family without having the distraction of their kiddos, and it reduces logistics and planning activities that you might have had to otherwise consider if children were going to be present at your event
Keeping plus-ones to significant others only is another great way to narrow down your list. If it’s unclear whether or not a plus-one should be offered for a specific guest, you can put the potential guest through the process outlined below.
When my husband and I were working through our invite list, we decided to only consider people who had been a part of our lives as a couple, including family members. It’s easy to want to invite old college friends, colleagues, or others who you were close with in the past, but this is where your guest list can really spin out of control.
One of the best ways to determine who should make the list is to put anyone you’re considering for your wedding through the guest list test. This step-by-step process can make creating your list much more straightforward and clear. The beauty of using this method to decide who to invite is that you can customize it to suit your desires regarding the type of people who will make the list.
Creating your own guest list test is easy! Before you start, you’ll want to sit down with your partner to discuss what’s important to you. This is different for everyone so just be true to yourselves and I promise the list will come together perfectly.
All you need is a pen and paper or an Excel or Google sheet to create your list.
Follow these steps to make your own test.
The questions on your guest list test can be anything! Just be sure to choose questions where a resulting ‘yes’ would rate the potential guest higher. For example, if you’re having an adults-only event, you’ll want to ask the question, “Are they an adult?” as opposed to “Are they a child?” Here are a few ideas for questions you could ask.
If you’re having a destination wedding, you might consider:
These questions can be about anything that’s important to you. Don’t hold back—it’s your day!
Once you have scored all your potential guests, follow these steps to create your list. You’ll want to have a target number in mind before you start, so be sure to have that before you start these steps. Otherwise,. Otherwise, you’ll have a hard time finding where to cut off the list.
Voila! You have your guest list!
Make sure your friends and family all know you’re having a small wedding or elopement as soon as you decide. Lean on family and friends who are invited to help spread the word about your plans and keep them informed of who is in and who is out so they don’t end up making assumptions.
If you originally thought you’d have a large wedding and you’ve pivoted or you have people in your family or community who just assume they’ll be there you’ll have to let them down gently.
The sooner you can nip this in the bud, the better. See below for some recommendations on what to say. Most of the time, people will understand but it doesn’t make this any easier. Just remember that this is your day and any negative response to your choices does not mean it is the wrong thing to do. This is your day.
Creating your small wedding guest list is tricky. Navigating the conversations with people who aren’t invited might be trickier. Here are a few things you can say to people who aren’t invited, if they ask.
Highlight Constraints: "Our venue has strict limitations on the number of guests, so we had to make some tough decisions on the guest list."
Emphasize Intimacy: "We decided to keep our wedding very small and intimate, focusing on our closest family and friends."
Suggest Alternatives: "Although we can't have everyone at the wedding, we'd love to celebrate with you another time."
Express Gratitude:"We are grateful for your understanding and excited to celebrate with you in other ways."
Show Appreciation: "Your friendship means a lot to us, and we appreciate your support as we begin this new chapter."
Narrowing down your wedding guest list is going to be one of the most painful things you do in this process, but once you have it done and announced you’ll feel so much better and well positioned to pull together your micro wedding!
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